Those Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who still internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."